The Transformative Power of Grief: A Personal Journey!

Have you ever experienced pain so deep that it brought up emotions you didn’t even know were there? I recently went through a separation that uncovered emotional layers I wasn't prepared for. Though I meditate daily for 2 hours, this experience opened doors to grief that I didn't realize were there.

The pain from this separation brought me face-to-face with old childhood memories—feelings of being unwanted, not good enough, and the false belief that I am unlovable. It took me through a deep process of grief, something many of us tend to avoid, especially men, who are often taught to suppress emotions.

However, through this journey, I’ve learned some profound lessons about grief and healing that I want to share.

The Unexpected Surge of Grief

I’ve always considered myself emotionally self-aware, with a consistent meditation practice to maintain balance. But this separation was different. As the sadness washed over me, I realized grief isn’t something that can be avoided. It’s something we must face.

In those difficult moments, I experienced emotions that were buried deep inside me. I realized how powerful grief can be—not just as an emotion to endure, but as a teacher. Grief forced me to examine parts of myself I’d been neglecting.

The 6 Cycles of Grief

Grief isn’t linear. It’s a process that cycles through different stages. Here are the six phases of grief that I personally experienced:

1. Shock and Denial

At first, I couldn’t accept the reality of the separation. It felt surreal—like it wasn’t really happening. I refused to believe it, hoping it would go away.

2. Anger

Once the reality set in, I found myself angry—angry at the situation, at myself, and even at my partner. It was a deep, overwhelming feeling. I had to remind myself that anger, too, is part of the healing process.

3. Bargaining

During this phase, I wanted to make deals with the universe. "If I could just change this, maybe the pain would stop." But I soon realized that healing would require me to surrender, rather than try to control or fix everything.

4. Depression

This was the hardest phase. The sadness was immense, and I questioned my worth and place in the world. I had to sit with my sorrow without rushing through it. It was here I learned that suffering is inevitable, but it doesn’t define us.

5. Acceptance

Eventually, I reached a point of acceptance—not because I was okay with the separation, but because I understood that this pain was part of my growth. Accepting this allowed me to begin healing.

6. Hope and Transformation

The final stage was filled with hope. Grief had not broken me. Instead, it helped me transform. As I reflected on the lessons I had learned, I felt a sense of inner peace, knowing that I could heal and rebuild myself.

What Grief Taught Me

Through this experience, I’ve learned five powerful lessons that transformed my understanding of grief:

Suffering is Inevitable: It’s part of the human experience. We all face pain at some point. Instead of running from it, I’ve learned that we must embrace it as part of the healing process.
Everything is Temporary: Whether it's joy or sadness, emotions are fleeting. Grief, no matter how deep, will eventually pass, and with it comes healing.
Separation is Part of Evolution: Separation is a natural part of our growth. From leaving the womb to evolving through life’s challenges, separation is part of the process of creating something new.
Grief is a Great Teacher and Friend: We often see grief as something to avoid, but it’s one of the most transformative experiences we can go through. It teaches us what needs healing and brings us closer to our authentic selves.
Grief Allows Us to Accept All Parts of Ourselves: When we experience grief, we are given the opportunity to embrace parts of ourselves that we might have rejected—parts that hold the keys to our true healing.

Final Thoughts: Grief as a Path to Healing

Grief has been one of the most transformative experiences of my life. It forced me to confront painful truths, but it also gave me the opportunity to heal and rebuild. It’s a reminder that even in our darkest moments, there is growth, transformation, and eventually, peace.

If you’re going through grief, know that you’re not alone. Grief doesn’t have to be feared. It can be your greatest teacher, guiding you toward a more authentic and healed version of yourself.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I hope it brings you comfort and inspiration on your own healing journey.

With love and healing,

Romi Ochwani